Do you remember the jokes that started “A man walks into a bar…”?
Well here is an alternative series based on the opening line “A woman walks into a bookshop…”
Incidentally, according to official statistics from booksellers, women read far more books than men.
Do contribute but please don’t breach anyone’s copyright.
A woman walks into a bookshop and says to the young man cleaning the floor
“I want fiction”.
He replies “This isn’t really a bookshop. It’s a space ship from the planet Zarg and an evil alien that looks almost human is about to abduct you.”
Just then the manager approaches and says “Can I help you madam?”.
A woman walks into a bookshop where just inside she sees a large table with a sign saying
“All Titles Massively Reduced. Buy 2 get 1 FREE”.
So she sorts through the pile of books and buys “1 Dalmatian”, “2 Leagues Under the Sea” and “Under Milk Fig Leaf”.
A woman walks into a bookshop and says to the assistant at the counter
“Where would I find ‘ War and Peace’?”.
The assistant replies “The military section is just over there and beyond that you’ll find Cookery and Gardening where there’s bound to be something on peas.”
A woman walks into a bookshop and sees an empty shelf.
On close inspection she sees the label underneath saying “Works by Honest Politicians”
A woman walks into a bookshop and sees a shelf labelled “Religious Works”.
Try as she might she can’t see what’s supporting it.
A woman walks into a bookshop and says very slowly to the assistant at the counter
“I’d like a book on franchising”.
The puzzled looking assistant says “Fran Chi Sing – is he a Tibetan holy man like the Dalai Lama?”
A woman walks into a bookshop and asks an assistant “Do you have ‘The mysterious secrets of levitation’?”
The assistant replies “It’s on the top of that bookcase but don’t ask me how it got there”
First sighting of Ancient Roman on Mobile Phone
A woman walks into a bookshop and observes an author doing a book signing.
With the author’s book in her hand she walks up to the author and speaks to her.
The author opens the front cover of the book and writes the dedication “To Emma Chissit”.
But, the woman was only asking the price of the book.
[True story from a book on how to speak with an Australian accent entitled “Let’s talk Strine”]
A woman walks into a bookshop and says to an assistant “I want ‘All you need to know about Royalty’ “
The assistant hands her a blank piece of paper.
A woman walks into a bookshop and says to the assistant.
“Do you have ‘A Bigger Cleavage Without Surgery’?”
The assistant replies “Yes, I do actually – it’s the way I slouch forward on the counter”
A woman walks into a bookshop and starts browsing books in the Philosophy section.
After a while the assistant comes up to her and says “Can I help you madam?”
The woman replies “What do you mean by ‘Can I help you madam’?”
A woman walks into a bookshop that is packs full of small children. She stares around and says
“Where on earth did you all come from?”
A little girl hands her a book saying “This will explain it to you” and the book’s title is “The Facts of Life made simple.”